


when you love someone

by ddalkiimilky



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Light Angst, M/M, When you love someone, i keep forgetting to publish this, jjp, mentions of kim wonpil my honey pie, title is from october everyday6, why
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-14
Updated: 2017-10-14
Packaged: 2019-01-17 04:15:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12357252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ddalkiimilky/pseuds/ddalkiimilky
Summary: Jinyoung asks Jaebum what he thinks when he is around the other guys. Jaebum tells him what he really feels.(Ugh just read it I suck at descriptions and summaries.)





	when you love someone

**Author's Note:**

> READ NOTES PLEZ IT WAS THE NOTES I PUT ON WATTPAD HAHA CUZ PPL KEEP STEALING WORK IM-

Jaebum doesn't remember the last time he's seen his Jinyoung up close like this.

Maybe it was because of the way they both silently slipped out of their own little bubble, meeting new personalities, letting them in their new separate bubbles and basically flying solo.

Maybe it was because of the tightest of schedules forced upon them that leaves no space, no gap for the most important virtue of whatever that was that they had; communication.

It left them empty and gaping, without a doubt, but the way Jinyoung is slumped against his sides, his eyes lidded into an exhausted castaway gaze that still held that same burning look of passion despite how done and tired he appeared, and how his lips were pulled back into a long, sullen, thin line that always gets Jaebum wondering what that was he was deeply thinking of makes his heart burst into that distant yet familiar feeling of warmth in his chest.

Was it pride, adoration? Whatever it was, Jaebum can't seem to put his finger around the unnamed sort of feeling.

He was being drugged. He was intoxicated with the shot of the whiskey breath Jinyoung huffs between the sweetest kisses he trailed, and the saddest of sobs he'd heard from his beloved. It was addicting, or something, and he knows to himself he can't and wouldn't be able to get enough of it.

"Jae,"

It wasn't in a serious tone, neither in a joking tone but it was closer to something like a longing yet loving tone whenever Jinyoung articulates his name concisely but sweetly. He could tell it was pure adoration in his eyes whenever he pronounces his name shortened to a single syllable, though he doesn't mention it even once as it changes that hesitant look to an enraged one when he confuses himself with his own doubtful feelings.

Jaebum can feel it, yet it wasn't quite the same when it was just the two of them.

"What goes through your mind when you see me with Mark?" he whispers in a hush.

Jaebum leans further onto the intense warmth Jinyoung's body was giving off desoite the cold blow of mid-winter rain to look up at the faint and almost invisible heavenly bodies in the skies. He doesn't respond, but just stares off onto space. What did he really think of the two?

His head was swirling with questions, and at the back of it was the one question that he's not even close to see the answer of. Why was Jinyoung asking him this question?

He wants to tell him, they make a good pair. Tell him that their friendship is admirable to the point that it makes Jaebum question if he was still his Jinyoung's favourite  _hyung._

But he doesn't tell him. He doesn't say anything, instead, he lets his too preoccupied mind travel miles and miles in the universe as he stares off at the horizon, thinking, thinking of ways to find out the answers to his questions.

"What do you think when I hang out with Wonpil?"

That was when Jaebum snaps his head back to stare fervently at the younger's eyes, too close for eye contact and too far for communicating. The previous swirl of questions in his head was dismissed with a single one that resurfaced from the back of his head once again.

This time, he lets his eyes speak for himself.

Jaebum searches for it, desparately, hopelessly. He searches it in the eyes of his one and only, beautiful and loving Jinyoung that held its old twinkle, bringing back a strong surge of memories. Good ones and bad ones. He almost cries on the spot as he experiences the same pair of eyes twinkling and staring up at him under his gaze.

It was real. It was him. It was Jinyoung.

His eyes screamed in agony. It told Jinyoung a lot of things. Things that didn't need to be said to be understood. He knew Jaebum was never the type to be expressive, and he admits with a bitter, stale taste in his mouth that  _Jae_ really has matured throughout the years. The con though was, he was never beside him throughout the process.

It pains him, but he craves for the ache. He deserves it, he thinks, because if he hadn't left their little bubble nothing would've changed. They wouldn't have improved. And this is exactly what's best for the both of them.

So Jinyoung stares back at Jaebum's endless pits of browns. He scans how long his lashes were, takes in the two dots on the crown of his left eye, his very much tousled hair, and  _oh,_ his lips. Jaebum would use to come up to him, complain about whatever it was to point out about his lips because he can't seem to do anything about them. Jinyoung dismisses him everytime, and he doesn't tell him.

_(Doesn't tell him how perfect they looked situated in a mustered smirk from afar, and how kissable they looked from up close like this.)_

"I - I feel..."

"I feel miserable, Nyoung-ah."

**(850 words isn't enough for Jaebum to tell Jinyoung the million reasons why it made him feel miserable.)**

Jinyoung takes in a deep and sharp breath at the overwhelming pace Jaebum was radiating. He has indeed matured, and Jinyoung almost feels upset at how fast he grew, leaving him all behind to wallow in uncertainty.

Jaebum stables his own breath, staggering a little and tripping over the muffled, shaky puffs of breath to fuel up his words, for them to come out as what was devised in his head because no, he can't mess this one confession up.

It was too risky, he thought, because what if they don't get across Jinyoung? Or so he likes to assume but little did he really know, the other can already see it off of his eyes.

It was like reading a book. Jaebum was never open about his feelings like this, but,

_(It's been a thousand words, and Jaebum is willing to say a thousand more to get his feelings across.)_

Jaebum bared all of them in his eyes.

"It makes me feel miserable, because,  _because,_ " The last breath comes out harsher than before, "Because you, your smile, you -  _fuck._ "

Jaebum has definitely messed this one up. He was ready to break down anytime, not because of this soulless icy wind practically shoving hails down his throat, but because of how gentle Jinyoung's eyes looked as they were watching him, coaxing him to  _go on_ because he definitely has to. He feels the stiff yet comforting circles on the back of his hand Jinyoung was making that urges him to go on.

"I still like you. I still like it when you only used to spend your free time with me. I still like it when it was only me you showed you most genuine smile at. I still like how you look so beautiful and perfect and - " Jaebum finds the newfound courage frightening as he continues to ramble on.

"I hate it when you never spend your free time on me now. I hate it when you always show him your most genuine smile but never to me anymore. I hate it how it's always just Wonpil. I hate it how..."

Jaebum's eyes drop down to the ground, away from Jinyoung's sparkling ones, trembling, quivering, trying not to water by the corners because Jinyoung doesn't deserve to see him like this. Not like this, not after he's built around a tall wall to his heart and make sure to let Jinyoung only see the best things in life, because he deserves only the good in this world.

"I hate it how I still love you,"

That's how much Jaebum still loves Jinyoung.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh look, it's yet again another JJP slight angst fic.
> 
> Ever since I started writing, I've always wanted to adventure more on the vague writing side because I believed that I was better off unclear with the spoken feelings rather than the felt ones.
> 
> So yeah, disclaimer, no one steal my work please.
> 
> I woke up at 3AM to write this because I was itching to. The thing is, JJP already has this story and it's so satisfying to write about them because you can feel the actual love, platonically or not.
> 
> This was set before they made up and created their new album btw. I might make a fic (depends which ship) based off Coming Home by JJ Project. Watch it for that.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
